On the frustrations of neurodiverse - but genius! - mind:
Blast! I put up too many!
You know, those circus trick plates that are put on top of poles and spun to make them balance and stay up there.
If I had only one though I would get bored, look away and it would fall.
Two plates and I’d worry which was going to come down next.
Three, more tricky, but just an odd twitch to the pole here and there.
Four? The mind has something to challenge itself now,
Five may be a problem, unless I stay relaxed and concentrate.
Six would make me worry that I have five others to look out for.
Seven and I’d be dashing about from one to another without a coherent plan of action.
I just got up to ten -
Sharman Jeffries. 17 October 2001
My chattering mind.
A strange animal lives in my brain: woolly, jittery, ‘tiggerish’, yet with moments of being still and wise.
It’s a funny thing to hear it chattering away to me, contradicting itself even in order to try and say what it means.
Sometimes it can manage to be still without distraction or urgency, but this doesn’t happen often.
Extremes of noise or quiet may cause it to take fright, become tired and confused and it begins to rant,
Telling me horrid, depressing things about me that I don’t think are true anymore
But make me doubt.
If I could choose, I would have another animal in my head: perhaps an owl crossed with a worker ant.
It’s hard to imagine how I could be if I were that crossbreed of practical and wise, calm and logical.
But that is not to be, and I suppose I should just accept this strange zoo that my mind seems to be.
And make sure I don’t pay attention to the wrong animal at the wrong time for the wrong situation.
Sharman Jeffries. 19.6.02